I ain't sayin' she's a Goldigga..

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST (CRAIGSLIST.COM)


What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City , so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or
other commercial interests


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PostingID: 432279810
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a cr@ppy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump." I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Sick to my stomach...

If I get another email or get another phone call cracking jokes about Micheal Vick and these dogfighting allegations, I think I might scream. Let us remember that several years ago, we were all ready to hang Ray Lewis out to dry after his night in Buckhead during the last SuperBowl in Atlanta. Was he guilty of being stupid for being out with the wrong people? Absolutely. Vick is no different at this point.

Look at it this way - if you were accused of something... something as serious as murder - and you were innocent, how would you feel if everyone around you hung you out to dry... Dan Ackroyd's position in "Trading Places" for example. Being accused is almost as good as a conviction these days. Your livelihood is taken away from you - you have to depend on your own resources to defend yourself.

Now don't get me wrong, all I am saying at this point is our judicial system is founded in the fact that you are innocent until proven guilty. The court of public opinion is about as flaky as some 2 day old Pillsbury biscuits. As 2 faced as twins connected at the hip. For everyone that is passing judgment on Micheal Vick before his day in court - just wait until the court of public opinion turns on you.

Cardiac Cats expire due to cardiac arrest... film at 11.

Carolina Panthers quarterback Jake Delhomme (17) reacts after getting sacked by Atlanta Falcons' Rod Coleman (75) and John Abraham (55) during the third quarter of the Panthers' 20-6 loss in an NFL football game in Charlotte, N.C., Sunday, Sept. 10, 2006. (AP Photo/Chuck Burton)



Ahhhhhhh... welcome back football season. There's just something wonderful about opening the season in a division rival's house and embarrassing them, don't you think?

Some things to note:

• The Falcons have never had back-to-back winning seasons.
• Of those winning seasons, they all have come on even years (1980, 1992, 1998, 2002, 2004). Looks like we need to get ready to write 2006 down on this list too.

J-Dub, whatcha got for me now, playboy???

Silence of the Rams...

Hey Rams... remember this?

When I move, you move...

Only 34 days until Training Camp... HURRY UP. I can only watch old NFL network reruns of games so many times before I go crazy.

A little humor...

...special thanks to Lori for this email!

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (only 10mph over the limit),a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

She replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.


The cop stammered, "A what?

Again, she said, "A rectum stretcher"

"And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" he asked.

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly, but surely stretch the rectum, until it's about 6 feet wide."

And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.

You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge!"


Traffic Ticket $120

Court Costs. $80.00

The Look on Cop's face .... PRICELESS.

Can't you just fix my tire???

Last week I ran over a nail in my car, and ended up taking it to a Firestone to get it fixed since the car needed a front-end alignment as well - I wonder if Firestone knew what they were doing giving ME a lifetime alignment (that I have been using for about six years now).

My car is 10 years old and I have had it all 10 years. So when the Check Engine Light comes on, it doesn't bother me a bit anymore (unless it's time to get my tag). It comes and goes all the time now along with several other lights, so I'm like whatever as long as the car still accelerates fine and I don't smell anything burnung.

What irks the crap out of me is I leave my car at a Firestone location in Atlanta (right next to their district office no less) to get a tire fixed and tune up the engine, and they call me 2 hours later (not doing any work at this point) and tell me I need new tires, new fuel filter, new wiper blades, and a plethora of other crap that added up to an additional $744 to the $130 I was spending. CAN'T YOU JUST FIX MY TIRE???? WHY IS THAT SO DAMN HARD???